DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD always fantasised about watching my wife have sex with my best friend but, now it’s happening for real, I’m worrying that they are getting too close.
My best friend has always fancied my wife and I guess that made me feel the lucky one.
We used to joke about him getting it on with her, then one day my wife said, “Let’s just do it and then maybe you two will stop going on about it”.
My friend jumped at the idea but told me I needn’t worry, that afterwards we would go back to how things were before and it would be like none of it ever happened.
I have always been the possessive and jealous type but I felt stupid saying no. In fact, when it happened, I wasn’t jealous at all. In fact, I was very turned on by it.
They have had sex five times now. All three of us agree that the right thing would be to stop doing it, but we all enjoy it and temptation usually ends up getting the better of all of us.
My mate is 40 and single. I am 38 and my wife is 36.
We have been married for ten years and have been very happy together until now. It isn’t so much the sex part of it that bothers me, it is more how close my wife seems to be getting towards my friend, who keeps telling me how lucky I am to have such a wonderful wife, as if I didn’t know it.
I am worried that they might fall for one another and I will lose both my lovely wife and my best friend. I don’t begrudge him being friends with my wife, but how can I stop them from becoming too close to each other without it affecting our friendship?
ONE in five men suffers from loss of sex drive at some point in his life.
But there is a lot you – and a guy’s partner – can do. My e-leaflet Reviving A Man’s Sex Drive explains.
For a copy, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or message me on Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: Stop this now before your very real worries turn into reality.
You are playing with fire and you risk losing your relationship, your marriage and your friend too.
The trouble with involving other people in your sex life is that they can’t be controlled like fantasies. Feelings take on a life of their own. My e-leaflet Sexual Fantasies And You explain the many pitfalls.
Try to understand why you hanker after what most men would find humiliating.
Talk it over with a sex therapist before you risk your marriage further. Contact the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk, 020 8543 2707).
Tell your wife you have had a change of heart, and that you love and value her too much to want to share her with your friend, and it is important that you’re able to trust one another.
Use the suggestions in my e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex to keep your sex life varied and exciting at home together.
NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE My fiance wants date nights but I want to sleep as I’ve been promoted at work
READ DEIDRE’S PHOTO CASEBOOK Wade begins to feel guilty about sleeping with his best mate’s wife
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