My secret lover is 25 years older than me but I’m starting to fall in love with her


DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having brilliant sex with an older woman and am starting to fall in love with her. But I’m scared to ask if she feels the same, as we were supposed to be “just casual”.

I am a single man of 30 and she is a very attractive divorcee of 55. We met at a party held for one of my friends. She knows his parents.

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I’m having brilliant sex with a woman 25 years older than me but am starting to fall in love with her[/caption]

She got upset at the end of the night because her son didn’t turn up to give her lift home, so I offered to share a taxi.

She invited me in for a coffee. Her home is cosy and I soon felt comfortable sitting on her sofa chatting like mates.

We started kissing and one thing led to another. We ended up ­having sex in her bed.

We fell asleep afterwards and I didn’t leave until after breakfast the next morning. We swapped numbers and kept in touch.

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We’ve been meeting up once or twice a week but I have no idea what to do now I’ve fallen for her[/caption]

Two weeks later, we met again and had sex.

Ever since, we have been ­meeting up once or twice a week for casual sex. Now I find myself thinking about her a lot and wanting to see her more often.

She has not mentioned her ­feelings for me, though she said I am the best lover she’s ever had.

Once or twice she has asked what a gorgeous young guy like me is doing with an old woman.


THREE couples in five are not fully satisfied with their sexual relationship. Often it is down to lazy habits rather than a specific problem.

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That really bolsters my confidence because I am normally shy around women. I enjoy the ­cuddling and kissing after sex and I feel on top of the world when she falls asleep in my arms.

I am so enjoying what we have and I am definitely falling for her, but I am not sure about this big age gap.

She is only a few years younger than my mum and dad, while her kids aren’t much younger than me.

I don’t want to upset anyone and have no idea what to do.

DEIDRE SAYS: Those feelings may well be mutual. It is time you had a serious think and a serious talk about where this is going. Otherwise, one or both of you stands to get hurt.

Think through the implications of the age gap. She couldn’t naturally have children with you and when you are 50 she will be 75.

Some couples are very happy despite a similar gap but if you have doubts, it may be better to end it now rather than get in any deeper.

If you decide you can’t bear to break with her, explain how you feel and see if she shares your feelings and is prepared to weather any family questioning.

My e-leaflet Age Gaps – Do They Matter? can help you both decide whether you are right for one another.

If so, be open and unapologetic about your relationship.

Anyone who really cares for your wellbeing will wish you both well.

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