LABOUR has just announced its spending plans.
They are very exciting. Everything is going to be nationalised, for a start. People will be able to work much shorter hours. But they’ll all, somehow, be paid more.
Only the rich will face tax increases. The rest will get free childcare, higher wages, and there will be elves to tidy up and help out around the home for all working-class people.
Or at least I think that’s what it said.
Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell and leader Jeremy Corbyn have been busy explaining how everything they propose is totally reasonable and won’t really cost that much.
And the more sincere they look, the more you should count your spoons.
Because Labour’s spending plans are of the kind you might find in a book of fairy stories. Written by McDonnell and Corbyn — the Brothers Grimm. And the Brothers Grimm have said every single one of their proposals can be costed and accounted for — a downright lie, frankly.
Here are the facts. For every additional £1 the Conservatives intend to spend, Labour intend to spend not double that amount, not five times that amount, not even ten times that amount. They will spend 28 times that amount!
That is a frankly ludicrous increase in spending and cannot possibly be paid for. On top of that, they are going to pay out a staggering £58billion in compensation to women born between 1950 and 1960.
These are the Waspi women who were badly treated when the pensionable age for women was raised. But where’s this money going to come from?
Jeremy Corbyn told an incredulous Andrew Neil, during Tuesday night’s interview, it would come from “reserves”.
Neil pointed out that we don’t have any reserves. “Oh,” said Corbyn, looking a bit glum. He hadn’t realised that.
This stuff has all been made up by people living in a fantasy world.
Corbyn was also forced to admit that Labour’s tax proposals would hit at least 2million low-paid British workers.
Want some more lies? McDonnell says everything has been costed. But it hasn’t.
He hasn’t said how much he intends to splash out to buy the rail networks and public utilities. None of that has been costed in. And it won’t be cheap.
Nor has he explained how much it will cost to slash the working week to 32 hours. Because that will be a pretty penny, believe me.
Labour’s spending plans are maniacal and will leave us in crippling debt. But left-wing socialism usually has that result.
Look at the basket-case countries Labour admires, Venezuela and Ecuador. Hyper-inflation, mass unemployment, starvation, civil war . . . that’s the way we would be going if the other Brothers Grimm came to power.
We DO need to spend more money, investing in our industries and our regions. The Tories have neglected the North of England for too long.
But Labour’s plans are so wilfully extreme, even the European Union would block them from being implemented.
You want to read a good fairytale?
Get hold of the Labour manifesto. Then chuck it on the fire and pray to hell they don’t win the election.
BBC has to put boot in
IT’S BBC Election Watch time again.
Auntie got very upset when the Conservatives changed their Twitter handle to “FactcheckUK”.
On Newsnight, Emily Maitlis, acted like someone had done a poo in her handbag[/caption]
The Beeb made the story the most important issue of the day.
On Newsnight, Emily Maitlis, acted like someone had done a poo in her handbag. She was outraged.
But it was perfectly clear the post in question came from the Conserv- ative Party. Because it said “from CCHQ” immediately below the headline.
It was a non-story, then. Unless you’re the BBC.
Meanwhile, they’re also getting very worked up about the idea that Brexit could be “done” by January 31.
“It won’t!” they shriek. “There will be loads of trade deals to sort out!”
Yes, but Brexit being “done” means we at last leave the European Union. How can the BBC not understand that – unless it is just, as ever, desperate to stick the boot into the Tories?
The great divide
CITIES in the North of England have lower life expectancies than some in Poland, Romania and even Turkey.
That’s the main finding from a new report by the think tank IPPR North.
Once Brexit is sorted out, this is the most important item on the Government’s agenda: Reducing the terrible inequality between rich and poor, North and South.
It’s not Brexit that divided the country. It’s the gap between the haves and have-nots.
Well I Never
Ayesegul Gurbuz, was a councillor in Luton until April 2016.
Your job is to try to guess what party she represented.
Ayesegul Gurbuz, was a councillor in Luton until April 2016[/caption]
She is on record as having described Adolf Hitler as the greatest man in the history of the world. And she wished he had been a bit more thorough in his dealings with the Jews.
Yep, I think you’ve got it now. Begins with “L” and ends with crushing electoral defeat.
We don’t need no education
NEARLY a fifth of children sitting exams get extra time to complete their work.
This is because they are the victims of one of a growing number of often fictitious conditions.
That is, stuff which makes them no good at academic work.
Such as dyslexia, which is what middle-class parents say their kids suffer from when they’re not as bright as they had hoped they might be.
It will not be long before intense stupidity and bone idleness are also recognised as certificated
By which point, 60 per cent of students will be getting extra time to finish their tests.
It’s mind wogglin’
A STERN message to parents from the US Girl Scout leaders: Do not hug your daughter. Or at least, if you DO hug your daughter, you must first acquire her consent.
I assume they mean just asking her for consent for a hug from Dad or Mum.
But they may well mean written consent, with stipulations as to how long the hug should last and what precisely it should consist of.
I think if I were a dad in the US, I’d tell the Girl Scout leaders to shove their woggles where the sun don’t shine.
RUSSIAN cows have been given virtual-reality headsets in order to lower their anxiety levels.
They reckon less anxious cows produce more milk.
Russian cows have been given virtual-reality headsets in order to lower their anxiety levels[/caption]
But what are the cows anxious about in the first place?
Putin? Or just normal, everyday stuff like how to afford the latest gas bill and where the car keys are?
And what do they show the cows to keep them happy? Fields full of nice grass?
Handbags at dawn for City Wags
WHOSE side are you on in the new War Of The Wags?
Nope, it’s not Coleen Rooney. This time it’s Manchester City’s Wags who are going at it hammer and tongs.
Leroy Sane’s squeeze Candice Brook, right, called Riyad Mahrez’s missus Rita, far right, a “bum bitch”.
This was because Rita had been seen cosying up to a boxer on a night out.
“You eating with your fat ass stomach lol,” Brook continued.
I have absolutely no idea what that means. But I hope it all escalates. We need cheering up a bit in these grim times.
is this the worst autumn for weather since autumn was invented?
It seems to have rained every day since about October 1.
The only upside is that it provides a good excuse for not going out, I suppose.
More in opinion
But the more it rains, the more bad-tempered everyone gets.
There was a recent study which showed that every time it rains, the number of negative posts on Facebook increases.
So here we all are, soaked to the skin, marching towards a General Election with water splashing over the tops of our boots, all in a very bad mood indeed.
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